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  • Brian Maxwell

Day 93: How the Grog Stole Christmas

Updated: Jun 21




Every Freak down on the street Liked Diversity a lot... But the Grog, Who lived behind a fence in Washington, Did NOT! The Grog hated Diversity! He didn't even like his food seasoned! Now, please don't ask why. This man functions without reason. It could be, as many say, he was going senile. It could be, perhaps, his stuck-in-the-80s fashion style. But I think, almost certainly, that the most likely reason of all, May have been that a certain part of his anatomy was two sizes too small. Whatever the reason, His brain or his crotch, He wasn't going to let them be happy, not on his watch. He sat staring down at his screen, with a sour, Groggy frown, At the warm lighted Tweets, tearing him down. For he knew every Freak, with their Liberal Agenda, Was very busy now, with their Black Lives Vendetta. "These THUGS are dishonoring the memory of George Floyd" he snarled, breaking hearts. "Any difficulty and we will assume control but, when the looting starts, the shooting starts." Then he growled, with his fat Grog fingers nervously tapping, "I MUST find some way to keep progress from happening!" For in November, he knew, all those Freaks had a voice, They'd all wake bright and early. They'd register their choice! And then! Oh, the praise! Oh, the praise! Praise! Praise! Praise! That's one thing he hated! When Someone besides him was given praise.

The Grog couldn't stand when he wasn't treated special.

He pouted, phone in hand, the other holding a pretzel. Then the Freaks, young and old, would sit down for some drinks. And they'd drink! And they'd drink! They'd have fun and they'd DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! DRINK! They would drink rummy Zombies, and refreshing Mai Tais. Which to him had no value, since drinks can't be fried! And THEN he remembered a time when he stopped All those drinks in New York which umbrellas had topped. Long had Trader Vics served bowls full of wonder,

So he snatched up the Plaza, and tore it asunder.

He told them it was closing, and the people couldn't believe

''Trader Vic's does not fit in with the image of the hotel that I want to achieve.''

He awoke in his office, and his flashback was over,

He could think of just one thing, a Political takeover!

He fixed his bad hair and long tie, and it was time to make moves.

He wasn't sure what it was yet, but he had something still to prove.

That's when he got an idea. A tremendous idea!

The Grog got a tremendous, bigly, huge idea!! The best ever! Believe me!

He would tear gas the protesters, he'd trample their spirit.

He'll hold a bible by the church, taking photos standing near it.

This should show those Freaks, they'll see he's doing the right thing,

And the Grog might even go from president to King.


Now I wish that this was the point, where the story took a turn,

But the Grog seems content to let everything burn.

He's laughed at the disabled, the Black, Gay, and Transgendered,

He seems rather content that this is how he'll be remembered.

He treats political rallies like concert engagements,

Only furthering the rational peoples' enragement.

"There's still a pandemic," the experts state most factually.

But the Grog says "If we stop testing right now, we'd have very few cases, actually,"


This story may sound like madness, but it's true you see.

Every one of the Grog's "Freaks" are you and they're me.

I'm sure a happier ending would make this all less strange,

but voting in November is the only way to make that change.

So let's end this tale now, before things get more bizarre,

and perhaps maybe the Grog will just go somewhere far.


How the Grog

Stole Christmas

1oz Cognac

.75oz Aged Barbados Rum

.25oz 151 Proof Guyanese Rum

1oz Humbug Spices

.75oz Lime Juice

.75oz Grapefruit Juice


Mai Tai or Double Old Fashioned Glas

Whip shake and pour unstrained.

Top with crushed ice.

Garnish with mint sprigs, parasol, flower, freshly grated nutmeg, and powdered sugar.


Humbug Spices

2 parts Amaro Averna

2 parts Cinnamon Syrup

1 part Allspice Dram

Thank you, my thirsty readers for indulging me today. Sometimes I feel like we need to laugh, in order to make sense of things. Living in the world is hard enough. We certainly don't need someone at the top constantly kicking us when we're down. If you care, as I do, then make sure you're not complacent, and become part of the solution. Don't be part of the problem. I wish you all the best. Until we meet again tomorrow, keep shaking.





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