Dec. 10 Drink Your Ovaltine



Ninety seconds later I'm in the only room in the house where a boy of nine can sit in privacy and decode.

Ah! "B." I went to the next. "E." The first word is "be"! "S." It was coming easier now. "U." "Come on, Ralphie! I gotta go." "I'll be right down, Ma. Gee whiz." "T. O." "Be sure to." Be sure to what? What was Little Orphan Annie trying to say? Be sure to what? "Ralphie! Randy has got to go! Will you please come out?" "All right, Ma! I'll be right out!" I was getting closer now. The tension was terrible. What was it? The fate of the planet may hang in the balance. "Ralphie! Randy's gotta go!" "I'll be right out, for crying out loud!" Almost there! My fingers flew. My mind was a steel trap. Every pore vibrated. It was almost clear. Yes! "Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch! I went out to face the world again. Wiser.


It's time once again, my thirsty readers! Let's put on our Santa hats and don our favorite bunny pajamas. Today I'm digging into one of my absolute favorites in the holiday movie canon, that tale of a Midwest family's adventures during one particularly unforgettable Christmas season. I'm talking of course about A Christmas Story.


I have a special place in my heart for A Christmas Story. For one, it was released the same year I was born. It kinda becomes a point of reference in that way for me. Perhaps the other big reason is I've been told I resemble the main character Ralphie for years now, with his round spectacled face. One year, I even bought a pink set of bunny pajamas to wear for a holiday pop-up we did in Brooklyn. These are just reasons the movie is particularly special to me though. Everyone, young and old, seems to have their own connection to A Christmas Story.


The story follows the family of narrator Ralphie Parker throughout a series of vignettes, each creating their own story within a story. Ultimately, everything culminates on Christmas morning, when Ralphie receives his beloved Red Ryder BB gun. Throughout the film, we hear the phrase "you'll shoot your eye out," but it almost comes true, when Ralphie ricochets his first shot with his beloved gift. At this moment, you wonder if he should have just stuck to the Ovaltine.


I had a chance to visit the house where they filmed A Christmas Story a few years ago. If you find yourself in Cleveland Ohio, it's a pretty fun experience, if you have some time to kill. When your'e inside, you get lost in the magic of a movie we've all seen so many times. I especially liked the upstairs bathroom, thinking about having my own mouth washed out with soap.


Little Orphan Annie might not approve of this rum-laced delight, but I'm not really here to make drinks for the kids. Maybe that's an idea for another series of holiday drinks, "Zero-Proof Toddies for the Tots." Actually, I think I'll just stick to what I know, and you should just drink your Ovaltine.


Drink Your Ovaltine

2oz Aged Barbados Rum (I used The Real McCoy 12 year.)

.5oz Creme de Cacao

.25oz Creme de Menthe

.25oz Don's Spices #2

1oz Heavy Cream

1 Whole Egg


Glass Milk Carton

Dry shake all ingredients until fully mixed.

Add ice to shaker tin, and shake until a desired amount of dilution is achieved.

Strain into glass carton.

Garnish with mint sprigs, flower, and nutmeg.


*This fun little eggnog variation can be batched for larger format. I feel like eggnog gets a bad reputation these days, with the world being so health-conscious. I'd just like to mention two things: alcohol, by nature, is not healthy, and perhaps you should see it as an indulgence, letting yourself just enjoy the full flavor of the drink. Also, it's Christmas, treat yo' self!*


Forget about the decoder ring, and just enjoy the season. With the world the way it is, we deserve a little fun. We deserve some cheer. We deserve a sense of normal. Maybe this year, that sense of normal can be binging A Christmas Story, and for just a moment, feeling like things are as they should be. Perhaps, that's just the boost we need to get us to where we need to be. If all else fails, I'd say just keep shaking.


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