Dec. 5 What Child is This?


The virus had ravaged the outer rim for close to a year. Though the people of Tatooine had removed Jabba from power, he seemed content to destroy as much as you could on the way out. Only one hope remained, one hero who could save the people from the terrible ravages of Naboo. He wasn't the warrior dressed in beskar. He was wrapped in swaddling clothing, and he was green.


Greeting once again, my thirsty readers. During the first 100 days of the pandemic, I wrote a new cocktail piece every day, having a little fun each week, proclaiming it "Star Wars Sunday." Though I don't intend to bring that back this time around, I couldn't resist sharing perhaps my favorite of all the Star Wars creations I've put together, a sweet, smoky coquito of space-age proportions. Of course, there must be a story though, a story from long ago, in a galaxy far far away.


It was almost as if he appeared out of nowhere, a tiny green little guy with unspeakable power. Some say he was conceived by the virus of Naboo himself, while others believe he's part of a race of powerful beings. No matter his origins, the child Grogu was extremely force sensitive. He seemed to have an understanding of many things, but above all, he understood the disease which had now ravaged many planets, but none more than Tatooine.


Jabba the Hutt has gained power on the desert planet, using his slogan "Make Tatooine Great Again," but Tatooine wasn't looking too great at the moment. The planet needed a hero, a hero with sense. When Grogu first came to help, Jabba insisted the people of Tatooine pay him no mind. "People are tired of the Naboo virus," Jabba would say. "People are tired of hearing Grogu and all these idiots, these idiots who got it wrong. Every time Grogu is on television, there's a bomb." The large Jabba yelled this nonsense from behind what seemed to be a childs desk. Was he suddenly using Grogu's furniture?


The disease had suddenly become more powerful, raging across every household. It seemed Jabba had overtaken all media sources with his false election claiims, lulling the inhabitants of Tatooine into a false sense of comfort. They became wrought with a syndrome known as "Naboo Fatigue." Jabba ignored the sick and suffering, caring only for his continued power, and he grasped at every last straw to remain. "This is a case where they're trying to steal an election," Jabba murmered, as fried chicken fell from his slobbering jaw.


Experts around the galaxy weren't going to have it. “For months, Jabba has lied to the Tatooine people about the Naboo virus, and now, as cases surge and hospitals are again being pushed to the brink, he’s clearly learned nothing from the pain and suffering he’s already caused,” Mandalonian Din Djarin said. “Tatooine people across the planet are paying the price for Jabba's disastrous response, and the more he doubles down on this reckless strategy, the more they’ll oppose his failed leadership.” Feeling attacked, like the con man he is, Jabba could focus only on his defeat.


“IF YOU COUNT THE LEGAL VOTES, I EASILY WIN THE ELECTION! IF YOU COUNT THE ILLEGAL AND LATE VOTES, THEY CAN STEAL THE ELECTION FROM US,” Jabba rambled on, becoming dizzy. His eyes became distant and unfocused. It was time for Jabba to lie down. There was still a virus to battle, and he seemed to have no intention or capability of handling such a task. The grown-ups would handle things from here.


Christmas time in the outer rim was once a time of cheer. This year however, it would be a different story all together. Grogu urged the people of Tatooine to cancel their usual plans, to try and fight the virus. Grogu cooed, "It's a natural reaction to say, now, wait a minute. I know these people, you know, they're friends they're coming in. Because we know clearly that people who don't have symptoms are clearly capable and are transmitting the infection. So just think about it for a moment, the risk now, versus the long range of what you can do." This is the way...


What Child is This?

750ml Lightly-aged Puerto Rican Rum

4oz Islay Scotch

8oz Creme de Cacao

24oz Cream of Coconut

24oz Evaporated Milk

12oz Sweetened Condensed Milk

16oz Almond Milk

1.5 Tablespoons Matcha Powder


Serve this in whatever vessel speaks to you, but I went for a milk bottle with appropriate garnish.

Blend thoroughly, fully combining the matcha.

Should keep for several weeks.

May the Force be with you.


*I know the Scotch in a coquito can be a bit off-putting on paper, but trust me, it's just enough to add a little smoky element to the entire batch.*



They say "All good things must come to and end," but does that include bad things as well? I know I'm ready to live life again, but I'm certainly not going to risk the lives of others to do so. I'll leave you with that to think about, how badly do you really need that Christmas party? Stay alert, stay alive, and keep shaking.

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